Monday, March 18, 2013

Fitting In (or Not)

I don't fit in. There. I said it. The words that have been ringing in my head repeatedly over the past few days. The ones I keep pushing aside, thinking "I'm an adult. This isn't supposed to matter anymore." But it does. It still hurts to realize that, other than my husband who I love dearly, I really don't have many close friends.

Please don't get me wrong. I have people I'm friendly with. A couple of ladies who I can call and talk to. I'm not completely anti-social or friendless.

But for the most part, I don't fit in. I'm a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.

In secular circles, I'm too Christian. In Christian circles, I have too many activities outside of church. At most extracurricular activities, I'm the only homeschooling mama. In my homeschooling circles, I have more extracurricular activities for my kids than most of the other mamas. I have 5 children - in some circles, that's too many; in others, not enough.

I've chosen to live my life differently and raise my children differently than most of the rest of society. I don't regret that for one minute, nor do I plan to change it. But that doesn't make it any less painful when I realize that I don't fit in. Nor does it make it hurt any less when I feel judged by others for the choices I've made.

I don't write this post looking for friends, though I won't pass by an opportunity to make some. I write because I've learned over the past few years that usually there are usually others out there who feel the same way we do. So this post is for those people who also feel like they don't fit in. Please know you're not alone. You aren't the only one who feels that way.

Maybe we should start a group for people who don't fit in. Ha ha!
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